12.29.2008
Emberkreiss
It's a good thing that during this short stress-free break that I have between semesters I can actually enjoy my time off and get things done because I'm so well-rested. Oh wait. FML.
12.26.2008
Last Light
I don't think I've woken up naturally in years, and this morning this was case. I have nowhere to be, no real plans to tackle, but I'm feeling extremely well-rested for the first time in almost a year of nearly no breaks whatsoever. I'm pretty sure I'm spending most of the day with my parents and I'll make sure it's a productive one for sure.
It's nice to know that although we grow old and quickly become less and less excited for christmas, the simple act of relaxing and enjoying the company of your family is enough of a gift in itself. I know I'm a strong person, but I'm extremely thankful to have such loving and understanding parents who've bent over backwards and spent nearly every penny they have to keep my brother and I healthy, fed, and educated for 22 years. I know the struggle that living on my own at this time would bring, and it's nice that I can concentrate on building a better me, before tackling other life obstacles. It's weird to see my father retire from a job he's busted his ass at for nearly the same amount of years I've been alive. It's weird to see how everyone gets along in our extended family now that the majority of the children are adults or teens.
Besides the matter of paying thousands and thousands of dollars to an education in which I'm struggling to master the non-major/important parts, I really can't complain. I don't know how much of a rush I am in to get a really real job anyway. I'm fine with standing around listening to music all day and selling ready clean to coke addicts.
I need you to be the strength of widows and soul survivors
I need you to be as fearless as new mothers and new fathers
I need you to be the hope of hearts who lost true love
I need you to be the might of their first kiss
I need a purpose and I need a reason
I need to know that there is trophy and meaning
To all that we lose and all we fight for
To all our loves and our wars
Keep breathing
Keep living
Keep searching
Keep pushing on
Keep bleeding
Keep healing
Keep fading
Keep shining on
This is for the hearts still beating
It's nice to know that although we grow old and quickly become less and less excited for christmas, the simple act of relaxing and enjoying the company of your family is enough of a gift in itself. I know I'm a strong person, but I'm extremely thankful to have such loving and understanding parents who've bent over backwards and spent nearly every penny they have to keep my brother and I healthy, fed, and educated for 22 years. I know the struggle that living on my own at this time would bring, and it's nice that I can concentrate on building a better me, before tackling other life obstacles. It's weird to see my father retire from a job he's busted his ass at for nearly the same amount of years I've been alive. It's weird to see how everyone gets along in our extended family now that the majority of the children are adults or teens.
Besides the matter of paying thousands and thousands of dollars to an education in which I'm struggling to master the non-major/important parts, I really can't complain. I don't know how much of a rush I am in to get a really real job anyway. I'm fine with standing around listening to music all day and selling ready clean to coke addicts.
I need you to be the strength of widows and soul survivors
I need you to be as fearless as new mothers and new fathers
I need you to be the hope of hearts who lost true love
I need you to be the might of their first kiss
I need a purpose and I need a reason
I need to know that there is trophy and meaning
To all that we lose and all we fight for
To all our loves and our wars
Keep breathing
Keep living
Keep searching
Keep pushing on
Keep bleeding
Keep healing
Keep fading
Keep shining on
This is for the hearts still beating
12.20.2008
A Simple Reminder
Some thoughts:
I don't think it's normal to be capable of sleeping into any part of the evening, but I seem to accomplish just that any chance I get. I wonder if it's because my body never gets the appropriate amount of rest and on certain days it just sort of turns off and I catch up. I might even have to do with the fact that my room sees little to no sunlight at all, and neither does my black heart. LOL. But seriously...
I wish I could overcome whatever is hindering me from using certain talents to contribute to the heavier-musically driven world, but I honestly believe that I just somehow grew out of it. The hard part is the slight amount of adrenaline that still runs through me when I see my friends doing what I used to love so much. It's just a small reminder of how I used to be able to release such negative energy in a really positive way. Things just became really clouded eventually, and I think I'll just forever associate it with those moments. I need not revisit them. I think it also has to do with time, money, and the fact that I can do musically whatever I want and whenever I want without including anyone's sad ideas but my own.
Everything has gone pretty stale.
For someone so fortunate. this is really unfortunate for me:
I don't think it's normal to be capable of sleeping into any part of the evening, but I seem to accomplish just that any chance I get. I wonder if it's because my body never gets the appropriate amount of rest and on certain days it just sort of turns off and I catch up. I might even have to do with the fact that my room sees little to no sunlight at all, and neither does my black heart. LOL. But seriously...
I wish I could overcome whatever is hindering me from using certain talents to contribute to the heavier-musically driven world, but I honestly believe that I just somehow grew out of it. The hard part is the slight amount of adrenaline that still runs through me when I see my friends doing what I used to love so much. It's just a small reminder of how I used to be able to release such negative energy in a really positive way. Things just became really clouded eventually, and I think I'll just forever associate it with those moments. I need not revisit them. I think it also has to do with time, money, and the fact that I can do musically whatever I want and whenever I want without including anyone's sad ideas but my own.
Everything has gone pretty stale.
For someone so fortunate. this is really unfortunate for me:
12.18.2008
The Rain Has Stolen Our Goodbye
Christmas seems 30x less hectic this year in regards to store traffic. I suppose the economy really is taking a step back and realizing the true meaning of this "holiday". Oh, and the fact that most people are struggling financially. Money doesn't seem to be much of an issue to me really. Sure, I'm broke, and I'm still in tons of debt not including my soon to be school loans, but I think what it comes down to is as long as me and my loved ones are healthy, have a roof over our heads, and food on the table, it's not really of great concern. After all, spending more money on things I don't need will ultimately clear my debt right? Hm..
Went to DC with Jon today. I encouraged him to spend over $100 on jeans, and it sorta kinda worked in my favor. No worries, I'll buy him a $200 tailored pair of suit pants for when he's in my wedding in year 2043. That might even be still too early of an estimate thanks to the fine selection of women baltimore has to offer.
I hope mom likes her pink and white polka-dot digital camera.
I hope dad figures out something that I can get him because he's just a stubborn with receiving gifts as I am.
I hope I can continue stay in what has become the best physical shape I've ever been in.
I really don't think I could handle being set back another semester because of shitty fucking GFRs.
I'm glad that I will have time for people again up until Jan. 4.
And I can't stop watching this, even though it's floating around the internet like beach-ball at a NIckelback concert.
Went to DC with Jon today. I encouraged him to spend over $100 on jeans, and it sorta kinda worked in my favor. No worries, I'll buy him a $200 tailored pair of suit pants for when he's in my wedding in year 2043. That might even be still too early of an estimate thanks to the fine selection of women baltimore has to offer.
I hope mom likes her pink and white polka-dot digital camera.
I hope dad figures out something that I can get him because he's just a stubborn with receiving gifts as I am.
I hope I can continue stay in what has become the best physical shape I've ever been in.
I really don't think I could handle being set back another semester because of shitty fucking GFRs.
I'm glad that I will have time for people again up until Jan. 4.
And I can't stop watching this, even though it's floating around the internet like beach-ball at a NIckelback concert.
12.16.2008
12.15.2008
Missin' You
One day, I'll know how to do these things, and I know several of you want to be right there with me.
What a damn good song too.
What a damn good song too.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
