Uncle Harry passed away this morning from a massive heart-attack.
I feel extremely guilty, because I can't seem to get upset at anything anymore. Granted he was probably the uncle I knew the least about, but I still saw him just as much as anyone else, and I should be upset to some extent right? Maybe I'm just a little in denial of the whole situation, and maybe the subtle gloominess and shock I experienced earlier in class was out of worry and sympathy for my Aunt Rosie. This is the closest death I've experienced since my grandfather when I was younger; I suppose everyone has their own way of handling things.
In addition to that guilt, I feel like this "post" just ends up about me anyway.
I have a tendency to stack up my emotions internally, and you would think I'd explode one day. This really hasn't ever been the case, yet at least. I'm a pretty strong-willed dude, and I think a lot of it has to do with mind over heart, for appropriate matters.
Note to self:
The more you avoid your feelings, the more you will become numb, thus, the less you will feel the things that matter, and eventually nothing at all.
Adrift and At Peace
1 comment:
I handle death in the same way. Both of my grandfathers deaths I couldnt bring myself to tears except at the guilt that I wasn't crying naturally.
I really think some people just deal with death in a different way. I suppose I almost process it as they are going to be located somewhere else that I won't see them. Its hard for me to grasp that a human being has ceased to be which I think says something about my grasp on death period let alone someone close to me. Do you ever think about your own death?
My grandmothers was the only one that hit me and it wasnt until the funeral despite me writing the eulogy it wasnt until watching my mom cry her eyes out that i fell apart.
death just doesnt seem real
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