12.29.2008
Emberkreiss
It's a good thing that during this short stress-free break that I have between semesters I can actually enjoy my time off and get things done because I'm so well-rested. Oh wait. FML.
12.26.2008
Last Light
I don't think I've woken up naturally in years, and this morning this was case. I have nowhere to be, no real plans to tackle, but I'm feeling extremely well-rested for the first time in almost a year of nearly no breaks whatsoever. I'm pretty sure I'm spending most of the day with my parents and I'll make sure it's a productive one for sure.
It's nice to know that although we grow old and quickly become less and less excited for christmas, the simple act of relaxing and enjoying the company of your family is enough of a gift in itself. I know I'm a strong person, but I'm extremely thankful to have such loving and understanding parents who've bent over backwards and spent nearly every penny they have to keep my brother and I healthy, fed, and educated for 22 years. I know the struggle that living on my own at this time would bring, and it's nice that I can concentrate on building a better me, before tackling other life obstacles. It's weird to see my father retire from a job he's busted his ass at for nearly the same amount of years I've been alive. It's weird to see how everyone gets along in our extended family now that the majority of the children are adults or teens.
Besides the matter of paying thousands and thousands of dollars to an education in which I'm struggling to master the non-major/important parts, I really can't complain. I don't know how much of a rush I am in to get a really real job anyway. I'm fine with standing around listening to music all day and selling ready clean to coke addicts.
I need you to be the strength of widows and soul survivors
I need you to be as fearless as new mothers and new fathers
I need you to be the hope of hearts who lost true love
I need you to be the might of their first kiss
I need a purpose and I need a reason
I need to know that there is trophy and meaning
To all that we lose and all we fight for
To all our loves and our wars
Keep breathing
Keep living
Keep searching
Keep pushing on
Keep bleeding
Keep healing
Keep fading
Keep shining on
This is for the hearts still beating
It's nice to know that although we grow old and quickly become less and less excited for christmas, the simple act of relaxing and enjoying the company of your family is enough of a gift in itself. I know I'm a strong person, but I'm extremely thankful to have such loving and understanding parents who've bent over backwards and spent nearly every penny they have to keep my brother and I healthy, fed, and educated for 22 years. I know the struggle that living on my own at this time would bring, and it's nice that I can concentrate on building a better me, before tackling other life obstacles. It's weird to see my father retire from a job he's busted his ass at for nearly the same amount of years I've been alive. It's weird to see how everyone gets along in our extended family now that the majority of the children are adults or teens.
Besides the matter of paying thousands and thousands of dollars to an education in which I'm struggling to master the non-major/important parts, I really can't complain. I don't know how much of a rush I am in to get a really real job anyway. I'm fine with standing around listening to music all day and selling ready clean to coke addicts.
I need you to be the strength of widows and soul survivors
I need you to be as fearless as new mothers and new fathers
I need you to be the hope of hearts who lost true love
I need you to be the might of their first kiss
I need a purpose and I need a reason
I need to know that there is trophy and meaning
To all that we lose and all we fight for
To all our loves and our wars
Keep breathing
Keep living
Keep searching
Keep pushing on
Keep bleeding
Keep healing
Keep fading
Keep shining on
This is for the hearts still beating
12.20.2008
A Simple Reminder
Some thoughts:
I don't think it's normal to be capable of sleeping into any part of the evening, but I seem to accomplish just that any chance I get. I wonder if it's because my body never gets the appropriate amount of rest and on certain days it just sort of turns off and I catch up. I might even have to do with the fact that my room sees little to no sunlight at all, and neither does my black heart. LOL. But seriously...
I wish I could overcome whatever is hindering me from using certain talents to contribute to the heavier-musically driven world, but I honestly believe that I just somehow grew out of it. The hard part is the slight amount of adrenaline that still runs through me when I see my friends doing what I used to love so much. It's just a small reminder of how I used to be able to release such negative energy in a really positive way. Things just became really clouded eventually, and I think I'll just forever associate it with those moments. I need not revisit them. I think it also has to do with time, money, and the fact that I can do musically whatever I want and whenever I want without including anyone's sad ideas but my own.
Everything has gone pretty stale.
For someone so fortunate. this is really unfortunate for me:
I don't think it's normal to be capable of sleeping into any part of the evening, but I seem to accomplish just that any chance I get. I wonder if it's because my body never gets the appropriate amount of rest and on certain days it just sort of turns off and I catch up. I might even have to do with the fact that my room sees little to no sunlight at all, and neither does my black heart. LOL. But seriously...
I wish I could overcome whatever is hindering me from using certain talents to contribute to the heavier-musically driven world, but I honestly believe that I just somehow grew out of it. The hard part is the slight amount of adrenaline that still runs through me when I see my friends doing what I used to love so much. It's just a small reminder of how I used to be able to release such negative energy in a really positive way. Things just became really clouded eventually, and I think I'll just forever associate it with those moments. I need not revisit them. I think it also has to do with time, money, and the fact that I can do musically whatever I want and whenever I want without including anyone's sad ideas but my own.
Everything has gone pretty stale.
For someone so fortunate. this is really unfortunate for me:
12.18.2008
The Rain Has Stolen Our Goodbye
Christmas seems 30x less hectic this year in regards to store traffic. I suppose the economy really is taking a step back and realizing the true meaning of this "holiday". Oh, and the fact that most people are struggling financially. Money doesn't seem to be much of an issue to me really. Sure, I'm broke, and I'm still in tons of debt not including my soon to be school loans, but I think what it comes down to is as long as me and my loved ones are healthy, have a roof over our heads, and food on the table, it's not really of great concern. After all, spending more money on things I don't need will ultimately clear my debt right? Hm..
Went to DC with Jon today. I encouraged him to spend over $100 on jeans, and it sorta kinda worked in my favor. No worries, I'll buy him a $200 tailored pair of suit pants for when he's in my wedding in year 2043. That might even be still too early of an estimate thanks to the fine selection of women baltimore has to offer.
I hope mom likes her pink and white polka-dot digital camera.
I hope dad figures out something that I can get him because he's just a stubborn with receiving gifts as I am.
I hope I can continue stay in what has become the best physical shape I've ever been in.
I really don't think I could handle being set back another semester because of shitty fucking GFRs.
I'm glad that I will have time for people again up until Jan. 4.
And I can't stop watching this, even though it's floating around the internet like beach-ball at a NIckelback concert.
Went to DC with Jon today. I encouraged him to spend over $100 on jeans, and it sorta kinda worked in my favor. No worries, I'll buy him a $200 tailored pair of suit pants for when he's in my wedding in year 2043. That might even be still too early of an estimate thanks to the fine selection of women baltimore has to offer.
I hope mom likes her pink and white polka-dot digital camera.
I hope dad figures out something that I can get him because he's just a stubborn with receiving gifts as I am.
I hope I can continue stay in what has become the best physical shape I've ever been in.
I really don't think I could handle being set back another semester because of shitty fucking GFRs.
I'm glad that I will have time for people again up until Jan. 4.
And I can't stop watching this, even though it's floating around the internet like beach-ball at a NIckelback concert.
12.16.2008
12.15.2008
Missin' You
One day, I'll know how to do these things, and I know several of you want to be right there with me.
What a damn good song too.
What a damn good song too.
12.14.2008
Tengo que estudiar
After sleeping in 'til 8pm today, I temporarily avoided studying for my Spanish final by watching Dragon: the Bruce Lee Story. I haven't seen it almost 10 years, so I was generally interested in the story of Lee's life rather than just simply looking for entertainment. The story was compelling, and it blows my mind the fact that someone in such shape died at only 32 from brain swelling and a muscle relaxer. I did some research and read that Lee was an atheist, and is regarded as only of the most physically and mentally fit athletes in history. I'd really like to read one of his books on philosophy and fitness because I think it might be of actual interest to me. I've used to regard the idea of Bruce Lee as a "silly karate actor", but I just think that's what most people get to witness.
Fun facts:
-Lee's striking speed from 3 feet with his hands down by his side reached
5 hundredths of a second.
-In a speed demonstration, Lee could snatch a dime off a person's open
palm before they could close it, and leave a penny behind.
-Lee could perform push ups using only his thumbs.
Really though, I need to ace this Spanish final or I'm fucked.
Videos, unrelated, but they never get old, and the parody as just as good if not better than the original:
Fun facts:
-Lee's striking speed from 3 feet with his hands down by his side reached
5 hundredths of a second.
-In a speed demonstration, Lee could snatch a dime off a person's open
palm before they could close it, and leave a penny behind.
-Lee could perform push ups using only his thumbs.
Really though, I need to ace this Spanish final or I'm fucked.
Videos, unrelated, but they never get old, and the parody as just as good if not better than the original:
12.13.2008
21st Century Life
If you haven't heard Sam Sparro yet, you need to. It's a modern, dancy, funky, soulful whiteboy that reminds me of prince. I mean, he kind of seems like a really big tool, but I also feel like he doesn't really take himself too serious. Oh well, the music is fun and great for moods of the upper and brighter emotional status. Be sure to check him out.
Docile
I'd like a new layout, and maybe if I fucking feel like it, I'll get around to changing it.
I wonder when people will stop thinking they've got such a hold on what classifies as art and design.
I wonder when people of Baltimore will stop making this shitty "ghetto-tech, let's just have so much fun, brightly colored" music that's getting us more recognition than needed. And by recognition I mean loyal Parisian followers and a write up in Rolling Stone and Playboy Magazine.
I've been trying my best to word it properly, and I think I'm just having a really rough week, or maybe even a rough year, but I'm trying my best to hang on to the things that I think actually appeal to me, and hope that they are not just things to distract me from myself.
This is unrelated, but very relative. http://dearoldlove.tumblr.com/
Some of these are clever, some of these are hilarious. Most are heartbreaking.
I wonder when people will stop thinking they've got such a hold on what classifies as art and design.
I wonder when people of Baltimore will stop making this shitty "ghetto-tech, let's just have so much fun, brightly colored" music that's getting us more recognition than needed. And by recognition I mean loyal Parisian followers and a write up in Rolling Stone and Playboy Magazine.
I've been trying my best to word it properly, and I think I'm just having a really rough week, or maybe even a rough year, but I'm trying my best to hang on to the things that I think actually appeal to me, and hope that they are not just things to distract me from myself.
This is unrelated, but very relative. http://dearoldlove.tumblr.com/
Some of these are clever, some of these are hilarious. Most are heartbreaking.
12.08.2008
Boxer Rebellion
It's time for a serious vacation.
My mind is already gone, but I am still physically here.
Inept.
Fordlandia is one of the most beautiful albums I've ever heard.
The past few years I've gained an incredible desire for the music of modern-day composers and foreign avant-garde classical artists. I find passion and beauty in all music, but very few actually connect with me through tones and minimalist compositions that aren't included in this fantasy-genre of mine. Maybe it's how closely some of these compositions resemble my own methods and pieces that allow me to relate so well. They remind me so much of "audio journals" which have been my primary outlet for the past few years. It's the best personal therapy, next to exercise, that I'm beginning to swear by, to help me learn to appreciate myself a little more. Things can sometimes be really unnerving and emotionally destructive, especially when the only real thing to blame is yourself, and I constantly feel like I'm stacking thicker and thicker layers upon a seal that will just eventually give way from the weight. I just keep telling myself, that one day I'll look back and appreciate each and every struggle, and know that I am the man that I always wanted to be, and know that these carefully fabricated little moments will calmly reassure me.
this is the world that we live in, and I feel myself get tired
My mind is already gone, but I am still physically here.
Inept.
Fordlandia is one of the most beautiful albums I've ever heard.
The past few years I've gained an incredible desire for the music of modern-day composers and foreign avant-garde classical artists. I find passion and beauty in all music, but very few actually connect with me through tones and minimalist compositions that aren't included in this fantasy-genre of mine. Maybe it's how closely some of these compositions resemble my own methods and pieces that allow me to relate so well. They remind me so much of "audio journals" which have been my primary outlet for the past few years. It's the best personal therapy, next to exercise, that I'm beginning to swear by, to help me learn to appreciate myself a little more. Things can sometimes be really unnerving and emotionally destructive, especially when the only real thing to blame is yourself, and I constantly feel like I'm stacking thicker and thicker layers upon a seal that will just eventually give way from the weight. I just keep telling myself, that one day I'll look back and appreciate each and every struggle, and know that I am the man that I always wanted to be, and know that these carefully fabricated little moments will calmly reassure me.
this is the world that we live in, and I feel myself get tired
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