Boxer Rebellion

It's time for a serious vacation.
My mind is already gone, but I am still physically here.
Inept.

Fordlandia is one of the most beautiful albums I've ever heard.

The past few years I've gained an incredible desire for the music of modern-day composers and foreign avant-garde classical artists. I find passion and beauty in all music, but very few actually connect with me through tones and minimalist compositions that aren't included in this fantasy-genre of mine. Maybe it's how closely some of these compositions resemble my own methods and pieces that allow me to relate so well. They remind me so much of "audio journals" which have been my primary outlet for the past few years. It's the best personal therapy, next to exercise, that I'm beginning to swear by, to help me learn to appreciate myself a little more. Things can sometimes be really unnerving and emotionally destructive, especially when the only real thing to blame is yourself, and I constantly feel like I'm stacking thicker and thicker layers upon a seal that will just eventually give way from the weight. I just keep telling myself, that one day I'll look back and appreciate each and every struggle, and know that I am the man that I always wanted to be, and know that these carefully fabricated little moments will calmly reassure me.


this is the world that we live in, and I feel myself get tired